It's January 29, 2024.  Thirteen years ago I was sitting on the tarmac at JFK airport, praying the flight would lift off despite the crazy snowstorm that was blanketing the city.  I couldn't wait to get back to Nepal, get back to my daughter Junu.  Leaving her only 6 weeks prior was one of the most difficult choices I have had to make in my life.   Now on my way back to Nepal, anxiety and excitement filled my body.  The unexpected became the expected.  Wanting to hold my daughter was the life force I needed to  give me strength and hope.    

  As you can surmise and many of you know, Junu's adoption had many snags, bumps, detours and hardship....visa issues, requests to further approve her abandonment, US lawyers, Nepali lawyers, US State Department phone calls, etc.  We were in Nepal for the duration.   It took longer than expected.  I was getting accustomed to the unexpected.    

As I sit here in my home tonight and reflect back, I see how all the pieces fell together.  My daughter, Junu is now almost 16 years old and we've come quite far from those days wandering around Kathmandu.  Then our daily walks included a little coffee shop on the corner with the most delicious chocolate croissant.  There was always a street dog, or two, slumbering on the steps outside the picture window.  We ventured to the few places we could find green grass, the Shanker Hotel and the Garden of Dreams.  Both gave a sense of calm in the otherwise chaotic traffic throughout the city.  I enjoyed the days we visited our friend Sarita's tea house, she always welcomed us with a smile and tea...of course.  There were walks that lead to our favorite restaurant to devour Nepali chicken momos and cab rides that took use through smog filled streets only to break free from the crowd and reveal hidden treasures.  While carrying Junu on my back, we often passed by the Royal Palace.  One day I happened to look up and in the tree tops were  HUGE bats hanging upside down, wings wrapped around them tightly as they slumbered the day away.  We didn't venture out at night....bats, wild dogs....things we wanted to avoid.  

I still hold the country clearly in my mind, in my heart and in all my senses.  On occasion, there are mornings when I walk out of my home and the cool air hits my warm face in a way that brings me back to Nepal.  How can the smell of the air here remind me of the morning air in Nepal?  Sounds strange, being it's on the other side of the world, but somehow it's there.  Perhaps it is lingering in my senses to remind me to come back, to not forget the beauty and love I found there.  To bring Junu back to her culture, her country, her first home.  

We are returning to Nepal in nearly two weeks time.  So many feelings and so much to prepare for that I am not yet registering the magnitude of this journey for Junu.  However, in my quiet moments, the enormity of this trip is upon me and I don't take one piece of it for granite.  We are returning to where the beginning of our story, together, began...that feels powerfully important.  We are as ready as we can ever be.  Bit by bit we will go, open to the process in all its dynamics, twists, turns and treasures.  I look forward to sharing once again my friends.  

Both Ends Burning

https://bothendsburning.orgBoth Ends Burning

Children in Families First

Important legislation that could make a difference for many orphaned children around the world.  

http://childreninfamiliesfirst.org/CHIFF

Contrast

One of the first few days with Junu in Nepal (December 2010)...the first time around.

Just recently, at home, in her cozy jammies. (August 2011)

Contrast.  It's been significant.  I am astounded at what has transpired within the last 12 months and often I need to catch my breath.  Half way around the world, different language, different foods, alone and now together.  We made it through.  Now as we have had a chance to get "more settled" in, I use "more settled" loosely,  I see what has been consistent throughout this past year...contrast.  The greatest happiness coupled with the greatest sadness, total desperation and complete faith, a peace that passes all understanding and a fear that wakes me up at night, total order and complete disarray.  Sometimes I feel smooth and together, other days like a Picasso figure.  This year has held the greatest financial challenges I have ever experienced and well, continue to experience, but then I am rich beyond measure.  It has brought me closer to my family, made me see what is truly important and helped me slow down to be present, both for Junu and for myself.  There will always be unknowns, there will always be challenges, some of which will bring you to your knees...I think I hit that today.  I realize for the first time, truly, I need to surrender.  Surrender my need to do it on my own, to be so fiercely independent, to not ask for help, to not reach out when I need to.  Have you ever had situations in your life that just keep getting more and more complex, intense, convoluted and  just when you think it will end then wham, something else?  If you were to take an aerial photo of me right now, you'd probably see something akin to a whirlwind...okay I'm being kind here, really more what feels like a hurricane.  The one stabilizing force (and we all know what a force she is) is Junu.  She makes me smile when I want to cry, gives me strength when I want to pull the covers over my head and reminds me to be patient as all comes in the right time.  For 3 years she had no mother to hold her at night, to cuddle her, to wipe her hair out of her eyes or to kiss her booboos.  There were no comforts of a true home. When I feel the pressure of any particular situation right now, I am reminding myself to look back and see how far we have come.  It only takes a moment to realize how truly special and precious life is and how blessed I am to travel this journey with Junu. 

As I believe, God is at the center of everything, so all that has happened and continues to happen is part of the greater plan.  Seeing through the problem to the answer is a moment by moment practice.  So while there are still many unknowns and many challenges, I rest in the knowing that Junu and I were set on this path together and along this journey many beautiful people have joined us.  Both of our lives are fuller and richer because of one another....and all the other spinning out of control stuff, well it just has to take a back seat now.  I really am trusting, even on the darkest of days, even when I've been brought to my knees, it is often here that I truly listen.

PBS story on Nepal adoptions

http://www.pbs.org/wnet/need-to-know/video/video-left-in-limbo-nepalese-adoptions-halted/9158/

Baby Junu

http://www.flickr.com/photos/drwhimsy/2796729564/in/dateposted/
 
I was gifted a great treasure, a baby picture of Junu.  Through this blog a very kind person shared this picture of Junu.  She was quite certain I was speaking of the same Junu as friends of hers adopted their child from the same orphanage.  In a round-about way, Junu's baby picture made it to me.  Thank you for your kindness in sharing.  I can tell you that the photographer's take on Junu is absolutely spot on, "impishness" was the word I believe.  She is full of it and I will be a very busy mother as a result.  I wouldn't have it any other way as she is absolutely perfect for me.  I love her spunk, her joy of life and her interest in people.  She wants to know everything, constantly asking "What's this?" or "Who's this?".  She is stifled a bit in her verbal expressive language skills as her comprehension is so great and cognitively she seems she could tell me about more than I even know, but her ability to facilitate her language with gestures, facial expressions, etc. is, shall I say, extraordinary to me.  She may be the most expressive child I've known.  I am fascinated by it all and once again finding myself so grateful for this most precious child.  How was I the one chosen to be her mother?  I am so very blessed and thank God for her.  I thank God for all the kind people in our lives, there are so many.  I feel that both of our lives have expanded in ways we could never imagine.  I am very fortunate and remain ever grateful to all of our old friends and now our new friends.  Truly, life is constantly expanding...we shall see where we go next.
Thank you again.
Sharlyn

Home!

Junu and her Buwa.  So happy to be together again!

Getting ready to go visit her new school.

Eating eggs at school!

Junu and I have been home now for nearly 2 weeks.  Re-entry has been challenging.  There are so many mixed up emotions, but I will save them for a later post...perhaps.  Junu is doing great overall.  When I sit down and really take in all she has been through, all the changes, I am amazed at her resilience and ability to adapt.  She is curious and interested in everything and everyone.  She trusts me and all that we have been through together has only made our bond stronger.  I realize now, despite this most difficult challenge, that the way it unfolded was absolutely perfect.  This is where trusting in God's plan comes into play.  If Junu's adoption had gone as I had planned and hoped for, I would have spent 2 weeks in Nepal and then she would have come back to the U.S. with me.  I would have had perhaps only 2 weeks at home with her before I would need to go back to work.  There would have been so much we missed, which now seems invaluable.  Invaluable to our relationship and to our future.

The blessings have been plentiful.  I am constantly humble by this experience and I believe it will continue to shape the direction of my life.  With this challenge I received the blessing of having nearly 3 months to bond and attach with Junu and she to me.  I experienced her culture, her language and the many beautiful people who we now consider family.  I slowly have learned some Nepali and she has quickly learned much English.  We were able to spend 2 major chunks of time with 3 dear friends in Nepal who will now also know and understand Junu's first home.  We developed relationships with other American families who will be life long friends.  We learned to really trust and love each other in Nepal.  How could this be wrong?  I have learned, once again, no matter what lies before you, if you trust and keep your mind in this place of trusting, there often will be more blessings than you can imagine.  Blessings that only God could configure.  Truly.

We now are adjusting to another set of challenges since returning to the U.S., but I am not fretting, I am not worrying, I am trusting.  All the energy I put into worry is wasted energy.  I choose to focus on goodness, endurance, patience, trust, fun and joy.  I'm not being airy fairy, really I'm not, I just know deeper that negative talk and negative thoughts have a great impact on my furture.  Why not hope and believe the best can happen despite the appearances?  Why not visualize your perfect life and know that all the difficulties that arise may just be the path to that perfect life?  There are always treasures and I now further understand that the greater the treasure is often the greater the challenge.  Patience, perseverance, and faith!!!

Much gratitude to all,

Sharlyn