For Junu

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Contrast

One of the first few days with Junu in Nepal (December 2010)...the first time around.

Just recently, at home, in her cozy jammies. (August 2011)

Contrast.  It's been significant.  I am astounded at what has transpired within the last 12 months and often I need to catch my breath.  Half way around the world, different language, different foods, alone and now together.  We made it through.  Now as we have had a chance to get "more settled" in, I use "more settled" loosely,  I see what has been consistent throughout this past year...contrast.  The greatest happiness coupled with the greatest sadness, total desperation and complete faith, a peace that passes all understanding and a fear that wakes me up at night, total order and complete disarray.  Sometimes I feel smooth and together, other days like a Picasso figure.  This year has held the greatest financial challenges I have ever experienced and well, continue to experience, but then I am rich beyond measure.  It has brought me closer to my family, made me see what is truly important and helped me slow down to be present, both for Junu and for myself.  There will always be unknowns, there will always be challenges, some of which will bring you to your knees...I think I hit that today.  I realize for the first time, truly, I need to surrender.  Surrender my need to do it on my own, to be so fiercely independent, to not ask for help, to not reach out when I need to.  Have you ever had situations in your life that just keep getting more and more complex, intense, convoluted and  just when you think it will end then wham, something else?  If you were to take an aerial photo of me right now, you'd probably see something akin to a whirlwind...okay I'm being kind here, really more what feels like a hurricane.  The one stabilizing force (and we all know what a force she is) is Junu.  She makes me smile when I want to cry, gives me strength when I want to pull the covers over my head and reminds me to be patient as all comes in the right time.  For 3 years she had no mother to hold her at night, to cuddle her, to wipe her hair out of her eyes or to kiss her booboos.  There were no comforts of a true home. When I feel the pressure of any particular situation right now, I am reminding myself to look back and see how far we have come.  It only takes a moment to realize how truly special and precious life is and how blessed I am to travel this journey with Junu. 

As I believe, God is at the center of everything, so all that has happened and continues to happen is part of the greater plan.  Seeing through the problem to the answer is a moment by moment practice.  So while there are still many unknowns and many challenges, I rest in the knowing that Junu and I were set on this path together and along this journey many beautiful people have joined us.  Both of our lives are fuller and richer because of one another....and all the other spinning out of control stuff, well it just has to take a back seat now.  I really am trusting, even on the darkest of days, even when I've been brought to my knees, it is often here that I truly listen.


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